Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Don’t Try to Change Anyone if you Love that Person

You don’t know how many times I’ve been guilty of this, but I’m not the only one. Guys tried to change me in the past, too. We all have to find someone who can live with us as much as he/she can live with him/herself. Accept each other as who we are or move on to a new relationship. In the meantime, all we can do is change what we don’t like about ourselves.

Blank backgrond of this photo will soon be for sale on Etsy.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Accept what you Can’t Change or Just Move On

It’s hard to accept the fact that we can’t change other people. Part of the problem is sometimes we don’t like ourselves very much. Maybe we did things we were never proud of and wish we could take it back. However, we cannot, and neither can anyone else. We have to accept what happened in the past and just live for today. We also have to forgive, and I’ll be the first to admit how difficult this can be at times.

Blank background of this photo will soon be for sale on Etsy.

Monday, January 13, 2014

What Amazes me About the Person I'm With Now

What amazes me about the person I'm with now: He finds it in himself to love me even though he's suffered a lot of trials and tribulations in his lifetime. He's lost two significant others and yet he carries on the best he knows how. He has his bad habits, and so do I. 

However, it's the first time in my life that I ever had a relationship with someone who understood the value of cooperation. He actually wants a situation that is a team effort. That's a rarity these days. 

I'm not going to lie to you though. It's not all fun and roses with he and I. We've gone through some tough battles during which I wanted to give up on him. However, the one thing that make him better than most people I was with is simply the fact that he wants to be with me right now, not next year not the year after, not ten or twenty years from now. Instead, he wants to be with me in the present. 



Friday, January 10, 2014

To the Nice Guys who Would've Done Anything for Me

I dated a few nice guys in my time. They're the type with the practically spotless relationship history who would do anything for a woman. 

They haven't been completely tainted by cheating exes or never became entangled in custody battles. Therefore, they made an eager effort to do whatever it takes to make me happy. 

 So why didn't I end up with any of them? 

To the nice guys who would've done any for me,

I'm sorry. I spent way too many years with the wrong people,, or just pining over people who never truly wanted me. Therefore, for some reason, I can't love you the way you need me to love you. I don't want to sound like I'm feeling sorry for you by sending out this apology. I don't. I think you're perfectly of having the kind of relationship you deserve with someone who won't take you for granted. 

I wish I could be that person. However, sometimes life just doesn't work that way. Apparently, my destiny was to fall for one lie after another. In the end, I wonder what that says about me and what I value about men. I wish I would've valued the ones who would've been better for me, but I never did. 

On the other hand, man having a bank account, nice car and steady job isn't enough for me. Still, I don't know what I was thinking. I always fell for the ones who can sing, dance or laugh, but in the end, all they did was they used their talents to break my heart anyway. 

When I say break my heart, I don't mean they're the ones who always broke up with me. I mean that they put me on hold. They wanted to keep me on standby until one magical day when they were over their exes. And I was stupid enough to emotionally hang on even though they destroyed me. 

However, I'm sorry that I can love you, the nice guy, just because you're willing to do anything for me. I can't really explain why. Life just doesn't work that way. True love just isn't about getting everything I want, I guess. At least I know that much. 

~Julie

P.S. 

The part I hope doesn't sound like I'm feeling sorry for you is this: 

The part about feeling like you always finish last because the people you date always wanted someone else, not you. I don't want to pity you, but seriously I know how it is. I do. 




Thursday, January 9, 2014

Again, if I Seem Selfish

I write quite a bit about my experience with dating single dads on some of my relationship blogs. Lately, I wrote about my point of view about the possibility of becoming a potential stepmother. At one time, I looked forward to it. I even loved the child as my own on two occasions.

However, now that it's over I'm not sure if I would ever try to play that role again. It's tough to put all my heart, soul and emotions into a situation knowing I may get nothing out of it for myself. 

Again, if I seem selfish, it's because I always got the short end of the stick in relationships. Therefore, I made this one rule for myself for the future:

I'm never again going to give to anyone any more than they give to me. I just can't put myself out there anymore unless it's someone who can meet me half way. 

Here's why...

I just cannot give love to anyone else more than I give to myself. I also need love in return, and if I can't get it from any of the persons I used to be with, then it's time for  me to get it from someone who is willing to make an effort with me. 




Saturday, January 4, 2014

Dear Single Dads, Sorry if I Seemed Selfish...

Dear Single Dads,

I’m sorry that I seemed selfish to you. In my defense, I never dated much before ex-girlfriends, ex-wives and custody battles. I had a couple of boyfriends who didn’t have kids yet, but it wasn’t anyone I thought was "the one" so we broke up.


I just always wished I could’ve had a life that was just as much about me and my life as it was about you, your children and your family. Why did I have to feel so guilty just because I wanted a grown-up relationship, not just remnants of your past?


I know a man’s kids have to come first, and for that reason I put more into your children’s lives than I thought was even necessary considering we weren't married yet. I accepted your little ones and loved them as my own, yet you never truly accepted me -- at least not most of the time.


The only thing I ever really wanted in return was this: For there to be at least a few things about the relationship that’s about just us and not always about you and your kids. Is that so wrong? After all, even though I invested a lot of time and energy into your kids, the children aren’t mine!


Oh, but there is one more thing. All I ever wanted to know is if you love me just as much as you loved your ex. So, if I seem selfish to you, it’s for good reason. If you can’t love me like your ex, then I’m sorry. I deserve better. So, goodbye.


Love,

Julie