Thursday, October 3, 2013

Why all this Fear and Uneasiness? Is it Trying to Tell Me Something?

It seems like after I pray for God to answer prayers for me I wind up having very anxious feelings inside. Why all this fear? Is it trying to tell me something?

Am I feeling uneasy for a reason, or is the fear coming from the Devil? What is the reason for it?

Just yesterday I prayed that if God meant for me to be with one particular person that He would arrange for me to see this individual. Now I'm totally freaked out again. What if God actually honors that prayer? 

Will I ever even be ready for it if it does happen? I mean, if God really wants me to be with this person? Will I be able to handle it? 

There's also so many factors about this fear that I also have yet to explore. For instance, I once had a bad dream about this person. I'm not sure why. I'd tell you what the dream is, but this is supposed to be a blog about love and didn't want to get too much into the reasons why this particular dream freaked me out. 

Let's just say, after I woke up from this nightmare, I no longer had feelings for this person for at least several months. I thought maybe God sent this bad dream as a warning to me not to be with this person. 

But years later, I get a prophecy from God saying that there's "something I've been afraid to death with..." and some other things about how I would date men who try to control me and they might even try to abuse me, and that I "won't meet the one until I'm alone with God."

The being "afraid to deal with" part of this prophecy could've been more than one thing. I know for the longest time I couldn't make up my mind about what to do about my dad -- whether or not I needed to take any action against him for hurting in a very personal way.

However, I also had been also afraid to confront one person from my past -- one person I always really loved.

Because I love the person, I really want to believe he's the one. However, I feel extremely uneasy, and those feelings make me wonder if I'm wrong about him being the one. 

That's why the only thing I can do is pray. Pray that at the right time I will see him if God meant for me to be with him. If not, I will eventually move on. 

The only other prayer I have is this:

Once and for all God, please don't let me hang on emotionally to anyone I can't have. Please help me not have feelings for anyone who's not the one. I'm done being held back, and just want to be with the one once and for all. 

Right now: 

The only person I have feelings for is this person I always loved but at the same time always have been afraid of and don't know why. 

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