Friday, January 10, 2014

To the Nice Guys who Would've Done Anything for Me

I dated a few nice guys in my time. They're the type with the practically spotless relationship history who would do anything for a woman. 

They haven't been completely tainted by cheating exes or never became entangled in custody battles. Therefore, they made an eager effort to do whatever it takes to make me happy. 

 So why didn't I end up with any of them? 

To the nice guys who would've done any for me,

I'm sorry. I spent way too many years with the wrong people,, or just pining over people who never truly wanted me. Therefore, for some reason, I can't love you the way you need me to love you. I don't want to sound like I'm feeling sorry for you by sending out this apology. I don't. I think you're perfectly of having the kind of relationship you deserve with someone who won't take you for granted. 

I wish I could be that person. However, sometimes life just doesn't work that way. Apparently, my destiny was to fall for one lie after another. In the end, I wonder what that says about me and what I value about men. I wish I would've valued the ones who would've been better for me, but I never did. 

On the other hand, man having a bank account, nice car and steady job isn't enough for me. Still, I don't know what I was thinking. I always fell for the ones who can sing, dance or laugh, but in the end, all they did was they used their talents to break my heart anyway. 

When I say break my heart, I don't mean they're the ones who always broke up with me. I mean that they put me on hold. They wanted to keep me on standby until one magical day when they were over their exes. And I was stupid enough to emotionally hang on even though they destroyed me. 

However, I'm sorry that I can love you, the nice guy, just because you're willing to do anything for me. I can't really explain why. Life just doesn't work that way. True love just isn't about getting everything I want, I guess. At least I know that much. 

~Julie

P.S. 

The part I hope doesn't sound like I'm feeling sorry for you is this: 

The part about feeling like you always finish last because the people you date always wanted someone else, not you. I don't want to pity you, but seriously I know how it is. I do.